Seven years ago, the 88-year-old father of writer Zhang Manjuan was found to have mental adialysis, and her mother was diagnosed with dementia a year and a half later, and has since become a solemn caregiver. After seven years of panic and setbacks, I still often doubt that I do this, "Is it enough?" She said that for the caregivers, I never know what will happen tomorrow or even today. I can only learn to live in the present and grasp every moment of daily life, reminding myself: "That's great!"

The Wanfang Hospital on this day was separated by a region in the bustling halls. The hospital held a "Dementia Co-Correction Center Expanding Service Entrepreneurship Classic". Officials from the central and local governments came, and the chiefs from all corners of the country also came. The hospital put the titles and introductions one by one, and the writer Zhang Manjuan, who finally appeared on the scene was the author Zhang Manjuan, who represented the patients' families.

She was arranged to come to the stage to speak in the last time, and the gentle voice instantly warmed the rustling autumn day of rain. Zhang Manjuan opened her mouth and said, "I am a regular visitor to Wanfang Hospital. It's almost like going home when I come here." She smiled and said that she was a caregiver, which made it difficult to imagine that she was in September when she was taking care of her father's legs.

The father suffered from thoughts and his mother was demented, and he was exhausted from running to the emergency room.

7 years ago, Zhang Manjuan sent his father to the emergency room for the first time. The media interview described it as follows: On that day, my mother called and said that her father could not walk or stand up, and her blood pressure was sent to the hospital. She rushed to the emergency clinic, and her father seemed to have told her that she should not be first aid or intubation.

The originally healthy father had symptoms such as heart attack. He was hospitalized for two precise examinations, and finally got a conclusion that the public was most reluctant to hear. The father suffered from schizophrenia, which is the so-called "thinking disorder".

"From that moment, my family fell into a storm of thought deformity. My father was taking medicine and severing medicine, and his emotional reaction was very strong, and he became a person we didn't know at all." That year, Zhang Manjuan's father was 88 years old and his mother was 79 years old. The originally Jianlang mother also suddenly forgot about the way home one and a half years after her father broke into thinking deformity. She didn't know who she was.

After secret diagnosis, the doctor finally confirmed that his mother was dementia. Before that, there was an unknown storm, which may have caused vascular dementia, which made Zhang Manjuan feel guilty, "I didn't even realize that my mother was in a storm!"

"In the process of care, I feel a very powerless feeling. I feel a big hourglass that keeps leaking my parents' health and will. I run away every day and I can't handle anything. I probably feel like this."

Learn to look at changes with humor: this is great

Zhang Manjuan admitted that as a caregiver, I never know what will happen tomorrow or even today. I need someone to guide me when I am lost, and the caregiver's mood is often in the ups and downs. Even though she had been in charge for 7 years, she still always doubted: "Is this right? Is this so good for her parents?"

In September, her father fell off his left leg at home and entered the emergency clinic again. Because he had had a fractured right leg before, the 95-year-old father was suspicious about whether he could recover. He felt that he might have to fall in bed as soon as he was a child, his temper became irritable, and his thoughts were absent and sick, which also caused the whole family to fall into the pain of not being able to sleep.

Zhang Manjuan smiled bitterly. She looked after her mother and Indonesian care Anni and even "hate sleep" because of this: "Why can you sleep when you hate Anni? Why can you sleep when you hate Anni? Anni hates me? It turns into a horror circle; in the circle, I think taking care of her is really a painful journey!"

"If you continue, maybe my parents are still alive, but I am dead?" Although Zhang Manjuan, 61, has a regular lifestyle and has three high problems due to heavy pressure, she worried: "What if I leave first?"

She said quietly that although she was not a single daughter, she was a solo caregiver, so she had to learn peacefully with dementia, dementia, and the "aging, sickness, and mood anger" of the elderly. So she gradually developed the self-comfort philosophy of carers, and learned to look at things from a humorous perspective: "This is great!"

Zhang Manjuan mentioned that her father was seriously ill, and her mother was very restless due to the change in the environment, so she had to coax her mother to walk on the riverside near her home. That day was the fourteenth day of the calendar. My mother suddenly pointed to the moon in the sky and said, "Look, the moon is very beautiful today!" Although the moon is not round, she can walk along the riverside with her mother and look at the moon in the sky and in the water. "Isn't this a very happy time?"

The demented mother remembered her passing away, but she forgot her daughter next to her

As a demented family member, he often encounters many emotional blows. Zhang Manjuan recalled that when her mother packed up her things in the living room and said she wanted to "go home", she couldn't help but go crazy: "What home are you going to? This is obviously yours!" The mother still wanted to leave, and refused to admit that this was the home she had lived in for 30 years..

Another time, when she was halfway through the meal, her mother suddenly asked, "Are our father and mother still there?" Her mother went to Taiwan with her elder brother in 1949, which means that she didn't even know who the person in front of her was. "I'm the one who has been taking care of you, how can you not know who I am?" She felt angry, and the emotion exploded in an instant, forcing her to ask, "Who am I? Who am I? Who do you know who I am?"

Only saw the mother's eyes flashing, and she was a little shocked, embarrassed and confused. Then she asked, "What about my sister? What about my brother?" She exclaimed and told the elder that all these men had passed away, which made the old man shocked and cry. Afterwards, she calmed down and realized that she was indifferent, because the people she remembered were no longer in the world, but the daughter who lived in the world and was kept in charge was forgotten by her mother.

Those difficult-to-use emotions are now clear and clear. When you meet your mother confused and questioned again, she will be happy to answer:

"Mom~ I am your daughter, your father, my grandparents have passed away, and my uncle and aunt have passed away. Now I am by your side, and I will take care of you with you, Don't worry."

"What? When did they pass away? Why don't I remember or know at all?"

"Mom~ They have been dead for 10 years, and you have cried many times."

"Oh, that's it! Well, keep eating."

The conversation between the dementia mother and the caregiver's daughter was originally a grievance, but she said it turned out to make people laugh. Zhang Manjuan laughed at herself: "How did I become so naive? It was because after I had accumulated too much and too much experience, the caregiver gradually understood more and more. He had to control his feelings first so that he could take good care of those who needed care."

Sending his mother to Rizhao Center, feeling guilty and trauma

At the start-up ceremony, Zhang Manjuan finally accepted the advice of the doctor and his friends and took his mother to Rizhao Center. She explained that her mother had been a nurse in the hospital for many years. She liked group life and service. She was lonely at home, so she wanted to let her mother go to Rizhao Center to meet the crowd.

The epidemic has recently stopped, and I was finally notified to take my mother to try reading. At this moment, she felt more happy than the middle prize. After answering, she fell into deep self-responsibility and guilt. "Does this mean I have to ease my responsibility and get rid of it? Is it because I sent her there to make my life better and avoid taking care of my mother?"

She kept talking to herself in her heart, "If it were my friend, how would I do myself?" Of course she knew that my mother liked the crowd and participating in the group would definitely be better than doing nothing at home; … "I know all of these, but I can't overcome the guilt and sting of being a caregiver." Zhang Manjuan said.

I sent my mother to Rizhao Center that day. She was unable to accompany her due to epidemic prevention and could only come back one hour later. "It's not a problem, it's the longest hour in my life."

She kept thinking about various situations: What if my mother couldn't find me? What if your mother can’t find the bathroom? What if the mother is impatient and wants to leave? What if she doesn't like her classmates? What if her classmates don’t like her?

Hundreds of thoughts were tangled in the brain, and finally when it was time to pick up the mother, Zhang Manjuan actually took her child to the kindergarten on the first day, "waited at the door 3 minutes in advance, and pressed the bell as soon as the time came." Unexpectedly, all this was a waste of money. The mother smiled and smiled at the social worker, and she wanted to go to Rizhao Center to take classes again, so she let go of the big stone in her heart.

"This is the various stages that caregivers will experience." Zhang Manjuan said that the establishment of the dementia co-care center can provide good expression and understanding of the ups and downs, swellings and contradictions in many caregivers. She also, as a past person, hopes that every caregiver can find the best way to share with dementia. "Keep the life you want and make the caregiver happier, because our care can be happier."

After visiting, what caregivers can give is the best, don't pursue the most perfect

Zhang Manjuan's mother was just demented, and her family was in trouble, and her friends had no relevant experience. She felt that she had no choice but to ask for help. Fortunately, Dr. Song Jia-chan, who was treating her mother, gave her a lot of help. "Doctor Song became my mother's grandmother. Every time she asked her: What's going on with my mother? What's going on? She will respond to any request!" Zhang Manjuan said with a smile.

"It's like taking a flight. You must first fasten your safety belt and then detain your children; you must take good care of yourself and then take care of the elderly around you. No matter what decision you make, it is the best decision you have made. Don't regret it, or think you'd know it before." Song Jia-chan, director of Neurology at Wanfang Hospital, who is known as "mother's grandmother", said.

Song Jiaying pointed out that in the face of physical and mental disability or dementia, the pressure the family bears is definitely greater than that of the patients. Many people will regret why they did not take all their work to take care of the sick family, even she herself has done so. When she was a hospitalist, her 90-year-old grandmother was in a state of anxiety. Since her mother had passed away, she could not help her at the age of help. She resolutely asked the chief, "I want to go home to take care of her!" Unexpectedly, the chief refused and told her: "You must maintain your life in order to be able to take good care of her grandmother."

She said that many people are panicking and often ignore that they should take good care of themselves first. Now there are different long-term care resources and service staff who can take care of themselves separately. "First be stable, have a stable mood and a stable economy, so that they can take good care of their families; what you can give is the best, don't think about how perfect you must be."

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